Ups and Downs

Hi everyone hope you've all had a lovely Sunday :-) it's unusual for me to write on a Sunday evening but I had an unexpected window of free time and so here I am. Today I want to talk about our mindsets, how powerful they are, how they can affect us in even the simplest of ways without us even knowing it, how they can trick us into thinking we are indestructible and how they can just as quickly knock the shit out of us. Adjusting your mindset to be an optimist rather than a pessimist might be the thing that saves you from yourself it's not the easiest thing to do but like everything it is most definitely possible. I talked a lot about my mindset with my councellor, over time I realised all the issues I was going through, each one had a trigger, an exact moment in time where that negative thought entered my brain buried itself deep until it started to fester, unravelling and entertwining itself around my train of thought, and well as you can imagine over time those thoughts grow and grow, allowing negativity to take up permanant residence within you navigating your brain and before you know it, you become negative nancy. Negative nancy likes nothing, she has no interest in anything, she thinks nothing is real or genuine, she trusts no one and well she's basically a miserable cow through no fault of her own, she knows no different, thats just how her brain works.. So when life is disappointing, people let u down, things happen and boom negative nancy is there in her element, gloating about how she told you so. Its all very doom and gloom, your almost afraid to be happy because, there's nothing as crushing as when it all gets swept away from you in one big gush, it rips you from your most inner core and takes your breath away for all the wrong reasons...

I had to start from scratch, I had to retrain my mind to see the good, to believe in positivity, coming out of it I remember feeling so angry, angry that I'd allowed myself to be taken in so far, so deep, I was in a way fascinated at how my mind was instinctively negative, at how easily and naturally thinking the worst came to me. I worked hard to turn myself around, I put the hard graft in and I came out the other side.

In all my blog posts so far, I've talked about the past, past tense, as in years ago... Today's post only travels back as far as last week where I was oblivious to the blows that were coming. I wasn't ready, I wasn't prepared, I was convinced those days were well behind me, I was naive and when it hit me I was almost winded by its force, strong as ever, the clouds set in, the darkness enclosed its arms around my neck and I struggled, I wobbled and eventually I succumbed into its fold.  I had previously been doing so well, day to day, practising my mindfulness and breathing, postivity at the forefront of all my endeavors, yes I have bad days, but you learn very rapidly the difference between a bad day and a bad week here and there, its normal, its life and you get on with it. The blows came swiftly one after the other (by blows I mean bad news, the worst news, it came in three's just like they say it does) I tried all of my techniques to try to get through it, but by fuck I had forgotten how powerful it is to shake. I just couldn't, it had me, once again I was a victim to my own mind, paralysed by its strength.

I recognised the feeling, even after being free for so long, being back in its clutches felt so familiar to me, I started to doubt everything, I felt helpless, I gave into it and had a pretty tough few days, but then enough was enough, I didn't push myself, I did very very little, the essentials happened and I felt good that I had atleast managed that much. I let it happen, and I did something that I never would have done in the past, I told people. Very simple. Very effective. I shared how I was feeling, I shared it on my social media pages, but most importantly I shared it with my husband, and my best friend, who understands first hand exactly what its like, I was in the midst of it and I just thought why not? It can't hurt I mean I'm always preaching about it in my blogs so I took my own advice and I immediately felt better, it was out there, suddenly it didn't seen so powerful, I had taken back the power and I felt elated, yes life will constantly throw us curveballs, it will test us and try to break us, we will fall, but we will also get back up. The blows, will continue to test me, I think I will always struggle with the tough ones to stay on the bright side, I think my brain will always subconsciously opt for the darkness when it comes, I don't think its something I will ever be able to say I'm completely free of, but I also think I'm doing a pretty incredible job day in day out, I choose to be happy, I choose to fight it, I choose to keep talking, and I choose to not be too hard on myself and when it does come I'll let it happen, but I will always choose the bright side, I will never again allow myself to become so blinded by it that I can't see the good, because no matter how dark it may get, there is always good, always.

Mind yourself. Talk it out.
Thanks for reading,
Mammysbrightside xoxo.

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